week 26 -11-17th September 2011

Monday 12^th September 11

Drive children to bus stop at 7.35 with Angus in boot to try and help him overcome car sickness. Following eminently sensible advice of vet who doesn’t have to clear up industrial quantities of dog sick after every outing. Situation not improving and 2 hour journey to Worcester looming this Friday. Hmmm. Bridget suggests travel sickness bracelet more usually worn by children. Think Angus would chew it unless we can get one big enough to go round his neck.

Spend morning on screamingly boring scale drawings of imaginary bathroom scheme. Can’t muster much enthusiasm for waste pipes. Also difficult to stay focused with Angus leopard crawling behind sofa in kitchen and then getting wedged. Does this repeatedly. Maybe not such a bright gundog as had hoped?

Plan to relax and watch University Challenge in evening but Tom says all the contestants are freaks and that Jeremy Paxman is a bum face. About to protest when I realise he is absolutely right. Turn off TV and read book instead.

Tom very pleased to be selected as flanker for rugby C team at school. Amy sniggers irritatingly every time he says ‘Flanker’ because (according to Tom) of what it rhymes. Good grief. I DON’T remember being like that at 15 but then maybe becoming an old fart has clouded my memory and it was a long time ago. Thank you children for pointing this out.

Amy demonstrates raunchy dance routine from musical Chicago which she learnt in PE. She is vey good at it. Will pole dancing replace costume design as future career of choice? I hope not. Rob would have a fit. 

Tuesday 13^th September 11

Have revised opinion of Angus being thick and think perhaps I am thick one. Walked to bus stop this morning with children taking Hector (to give him respite from ear biting), leaving Angus shut in laundry. On return Angus has disappeared. Mild panic as search spare room, downstairs loo and even large food cupboard. Find him in garden. Am baffled and starting to consider canine teleporting as real possibility until children return home from school and Tom immediately works out that Angus has exited laundry through cat flap. Duh! Hope he has sense to stop using it before becomes too porky.

Wednesday 14^th September 11

Am rudely disturbed in shower at 6.30am by Amy knocking aggressively on door and informing me that shower curtain and entire pole and have fallen on her and that it isn’t her fault. This doesn’t surprise me as nothing ever is.

Thursday 15^th September 11

Tom now ill and off school. God, what a bunch of sickies! Amy doesn’t think he is ill at all and more likely hasn’t done a piece of homework. Uncharitable I think and I tell her not to judge others on personal experience.

Friday 16^th September 11

Tom still ill and off school. Amy tells me I am a sucker for allowing this. I thank her for her input. Drive her to school with Angus in passenger foot well as he has 9am vet appointment. Hoping proximity of fellow passengers may help him overcome car stress. Things don’t bode well when he runs away as we are about to leave house. Think he knows what’s coming. Amy forced to sit cross legged on seat as drooling commences before we have even driven through gate. Amy valiantly battles drool with towel provided but still gets it on tights, shoes and hands. Bleagh.

After school we drive to Worcester. Angus asleep for most of journey. Hoorah! Dogs don’t dribble in their sleep.

Have dinner in kitchen and then sit around chatting and then have big discussion about eyebrows;

Julia to Amy ‘ I like your eyebrows’

Amy to Julia ‘ Thanks. Mum says I look like Frieda Kahlo’

Julia to Amy ‘ Oh my God that’s so mean’.

Momentarily do feel quite mean but point out in self defence that comment was only made to encourage Amy to use new eyebrow pencil more sparingly. Julia complains that her eyebrows seem to be disappearing altogether and she has a quick go of the ‘Frieda Kahlo’ pencil. Heloise enters kitchen and tells her it makes her look like Stollen. All slightly confused by this comment. Unsure of why pencilled eyebrows should make someone look like German Christmas cake. Heloise says she doesn’t mean Stollen she means Stalin which is much worse than the ‘Frieda’ comment on account of Stalin being;

1. A man
2. A dictator
3. Mad

Julia somewhat crestfallen.

Everyone loves the puppy including Zulu who tries to hump him, thereby earning the name ‘paedo-dog’. George actually less keen on puppy as latter keeps trying to lick his face which George doesn’t seem to like. Toby says the puppy has a pointed head and concludes is therefore Welsh or from Evesham. Not very kind to either social group. Puppy does actually have pointed head. Is this normal? Conversation then becomes a bit random as Tom spontaneously reveals that his Headmaster is often referred to as Dr Smallcock because he wears very tight shorts to do cross country running. Lovely. Amy then does ‘Awkward Llama’ which is hard to describe but very funny. Amy muses on what dogs would say if they could speak . She thinks George would say ‘I am abnormally large’.

Saturday 17^th September 11

All pile into Julia’s Pathfinder which gives me the ‘eeby-geebies’ as she cuts along narrow streets at speed, with cars parked on either side. Try not to brake as know this is annoying for driver. Drop Toby at orchestra, Heloise at netball and then head to town where Tom is meeting girlfriend who is quite a bit taller than him. All chat briefly and then wave the lovebirds off. When we meet up later, Tom rather indiscreetly reveals that girlfriend thinks Amy is freakishly small. He does this in front of both girlfriend and Amy! I think a career as a diplomat NOT on the cards for Tom. Amy furious but waits until girlfriend leaves before expressing her displeasure in her own inimitable 'mighty mouse' way. Think ‘Billy big mouth’ should have kept his trap shut.